I Mean Really

So wow, what a weekend. First up was Saturday when I had agreed to go to a class that my friend was putting on. What was the class you ask? Improv! Yes, a 3 hour improv class. It made me nervous. It gave me a pit in my stomach. Get out on a field and play a sport, sure. Run a business or two, not a problem. Tell a story to a group of people at party, most definitely. Get up on a stage and do random unscripted things? Absolutely not.

But I went and I was so glad I did. First it tackled a fear. Second, it got me outside of myself. There was a group of about 9 women and I did not know any of them.  All but one was in their 50’s. That surprised me. You know what also surprised me? The random things that came out of our mouths, the struggles we all had in using our brains in other ways, and how much I laughed! Pretty much 3 hours of straight up laughing. Not because the scenes or exercises were so hilarious; but because everyone was so open, no one was judging, or worrying about trying to be the best.  So we all just played!

It did not get past me that I just did a cleanse on getting to the play part of my life. Then in  a very unexpected manner, an afternoon of play presented itself. What was also surprising was that it came from an event I  was completely  unsure of and not really convinced I wanted to do. Lesson learned for sure.

On Sunday I went for a run that was windy and hard but the sun was shining brightly. While I was running I got to envisioning myself running the Portland Marathon in October. I thought about the fears I have had in other races that held me back and how this time it was going to be different. The next mile or so I thought about why I had these fears (ie: negative thoughts about myself)  and when did they start. These thoughts where I told myself you are running too slowly, you aren’t going to finish, this sucks, you didn’t train hard enough, you are going to be the last runner. So my brain started to back itself up the last 30 or so years.

I have had stitches 13 times. I had surgery where my face was sewn back together (literally). My right leg was broken in 5 places and they thought I wouldn’t walk again at age 4. (I was hit by a car) I’ve had spinal meningitis. I’ve had the flu that puts you in the hospital. My nose has been broken 3 times in sports and dislocated once. I’ve ripped my hamstring and played the whole season anyway. I’ve had 2nd,3rd,4th degree burns from flying out of a go kart. I’ve hit the diving board in competition. I’ve thrown up in a middle of a half ironman from heat exhaustion. I’m not going to list it all out but I think you might get the idea.

Anyhow all of this was literally flashing through my brain while running. The next thing I know, I am laughing. Why? It FINALLY occurred to me…what the hell do I have to be afraid of when it comes to racing and sports? Let it be, I’ve been through it, I got up each time and did it again. Have some freaking faith in myself! I so cannot wait for 10/10/10. It’s going to be life changing!

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4 Responses to “I Mean Really”

  1. mamie Says:

    jesus christ, woman. how is it you are standing much less running? you are like a cyborg or something.

    what you are is a strong and super beautiful woman who has proven her mettle over and over. and though we might not run 10.10.10 together, someday i just might try…especially after reading this.

  2. Kat Says:

    Girl! Up until now I have called myself “Kat” but I feel I should now hand this mantle over to you.
    You have nine lives if anyone ever did!
    There’s nothing NO THING you can’t do.

  3. rawqueen Says:

    Darling, you are brave and so capable. I promise that if you do the Portland (I hope you are talking OR) marathon. I will do what I can to be in town at the same time to celebrate your finish line phenomenon! You are right, what do you have to fear (well, let’s not go looking). You have survived it all woman.
    Just Do It! I love that you did the improv and enjoyed it so much. I left my charger plug at my Uncle’s in Miami this weekend. So I am at %24 power and plummeting should have it back this weekend. If you don’t hear from me-know that my computer’s better half is in transit!
    Respect and admiration, RQ

  4. questionsandanchors Says:

    Oh, my goodness, you sound like my brother. A hard-core athlete who has had stitches at least 12 times, a dislocated shoulder (4 times), and on and on. But still- he completed an Ironman! I only had stitches once and hated them! 🙂

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